I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
