3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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