Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
