Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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