Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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