why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
