i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
