I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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