Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I want a musical about memes.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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