I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
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