dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
