I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
