im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
