She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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