i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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