Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
