Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
