We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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