You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
