the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Did I show you my penis last night?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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