Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
