well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
this just has baby written all over it
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
