she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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