The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
