i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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