Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
