Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I could make wine with my vomit
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
