How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
