I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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