The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i think my mom watched the whole time
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
