So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
