I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
