her vagine was all disorganized.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
