Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
