I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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