We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You are the jesus of drinking
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
