It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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