i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
