so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
