Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
