What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
