Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
