you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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