Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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