Pants 0. Shit 1.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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