exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
