please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
