I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
