i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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