Non-Jews are for practice
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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