Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
