we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
