Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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