im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
