Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
