I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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