glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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