She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
