I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
