He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
