Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
