You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
This house was built for laser tag.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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