Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
