My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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