that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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