i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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