Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I want to be your penis for a week.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
