we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
