FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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