I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
