he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
