just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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