Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
