I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize