Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
