It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
