piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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