so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
