my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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