The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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