Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
