CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize