I want to walk on stilts...naked
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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