I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just invented taco cereal.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
