It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
