I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
