I want to stick my p in your. b.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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