he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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