too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize