I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
