All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
