I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i wish my penis had a tongue
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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