i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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