i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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