so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
