youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
